Just Like Me

I've always found it fascinating that, when you have kids, there are actually people running around in the world that are half you. Isn't that bizarre? I mean, half of these little humans' DNA is mine. They are like me. Their daddy apparently has pretty dominant DNA, because for the longest time, what I saw when I looked at them were mostly his features. But it seems like more and more as they get a little older, I see glimpses of things: Brooklyn's forehead, Vivian's nose, the way their mouths curve when they smile . . . and these things look familiar because they're things I've seen when I look in the mirror. It's a special, amazing thing . . . . they're like me.

But there are also more and more moments lately, when I'm watching them play with their friends or listening to them talk and I have this little flash of panic. OH. MY. WORD. These kids are going to BE LIKE ME. In my mind I suddenly see all of the mistakes I've made, all of my flaws, all of the awkward stages, all of the times I've made bad decisions, all of the things that have hurt me . . . And I kind of wish that they wouldn't be like me at all.

But the fact is, they probably will be a lot like me, and their dad. Not just because of our genetics, but because they're going to be watching us every day for the rest of our lives. Wow. Nothing like that little thought for a wake-up call. Am I the sort of person I would want them to be? The kind of wife, mother, friend, nurse, teacher, or neighbor that I'd be proud to see them be someday?

Most days I feel like the answer to that is no. I'm tired, and busy, and stressed, and I had a bunch of flaws to start with. But I'm trying to make up my mind every day to be a better role model . . .to be a little bit better version of me than I was yesterday. And, you know, they ARE going to make mistakes . . . probably some of the same ones I have, plus some brand new ones of their own. They're going to make bad decisions, and have awkward stages, and get hurt. But all I can hope is that when those things come, we've given them a good enough foundation that they'll know how to handle it. And hopefully they'll take these lessons from life and do the best they can and try to learn and grow. Just like me.